I ran across a sentiment in an attorney’s guide to LLCs that resonated with me: “Many American families keep their financial affairs totally secret, yet expect other family members to manage for them should they become disabled or die. This is especially problematic given the great number of businesses that are family owned, of which 40% are in transition at any time with little or no planning. Also, one of the common issues in American families is the fear that as children mature they will drift away or move away from the family. Senior family members are rightfully concerned about the availability of credit and the temptation to create a lifestyle using it.” The part that I can’t seem to break through is the first sentence. My clients DO keep everything secret. It is a bizarre mentality in which they fear, I guess, that… what? Help me out here. They fear their kids will steal from them? Think less of them? Or is it an uncontrollable urge to surprise the heck out of them after they are gone? At the reading of the will, “Gotcha! You know all of all of those staycations instead of trips to Disneyland, hand-me-down school clothes, and recycling paper plates? Well, we have actually been rich the entire time!”
Of course, the rebuttal is: “Surprise, mom! Now we own the money and we are off to Disneyland.”
To say that money secrecy is problematic is an understatement. It is well-nigh impossible to navigate in some cases. Imagine getting the call. Mom had a stroke, needs nursing home care, and, surprise, you are the agent under both forms of power-of-attorney. You had been led to believe that your mom is poor. You, in good faith, apply for Medicaid benefits. After you file the application for nursing home benefits, the phone rings again. You have been charged with Medicaid fraud. Surprise! Your mom is a multi-millionaire, didn’t you know? Don’t laugh. Although an extreme example, this level of secrecy is not that uncommon. I have seen many spend an astounding 30 minutes working on their powers of attorney. If you have only 30 minutes to invest in a plan of action when you are at your most vulnerable, spend it on writing down where all your stuff is. While you are at it, give your kids a list of your medications and physician’s contact info.
Imagine your daughter taking you home after your stroke. The doctor mumbled something about follow-up exams at your primary physician’s office tomorrow. You nod, wondering how you are going to pull that off, considering the fact that your own daughter is graduating from high school tomorrow, too. The next day, you put mom in the car, “OK, where are we going?” Her partially paralyzed face stares blankly back.
I am printing up T-shirts: “Secrecy sucks!”
I had never thought about the fear that older parents feel as they age that their children will move away. I hear nonstop the objections parents have about their kids’ lifestyle, ESPECIALLY when it comes to money. Consider this. Had the parent been less secretive about money raising the kids, they would have been more aligned to a similar money mindset. Similarly, you would think that revealing your true wealth would solve the problem of kids moving away when you are old. Ha! I am cynical from time to time, I concede.
When pondering, here is a question to consider. Do you make it easy for your kids? Did you raise them to feel comfortable talking about money? What is your money mindset? Are you generous? Are you a cheapskate? The latter is based in fear. THAT is a major factor in money secrecy. But, more to the point, if your kid got the call, would they have a clue what you own? If so, what is the advantage to keeping it all so secret. Tell me. You have my undivided attention.
Another money mindset is simply this: At age 75, do you really own your assets? Think about it. Assuming you are intellectually honest about it and concede that a mulit- million dollar estate is NOT going to run out of money IF there are proper asset protection trusts in place. So, if our client is 75 and worth $2 million and she has two kids who are 40, who will own this wealth for a longer time period? Our client, who likely inherited some or all of it herself, essentially has a short life estate in the wealth. The kids have a remainder interest. The life estate is not even marketable. The remainder interest is worth a great deal and it is wholly owned by the kids. Our client is just the legal title owner of the asset.
Why don’t families have a vision for their wealth? Imagine the multiplier effect if families designated future family leaders and mentored them. If the current family leaders are silent on the subject, of course the kids will likely blow the inheritance at the Audi dealership.
I have seen, more often than is comfortable, parents with great wealth insulating it from their children
Wat is the purpose of YOUR money? Is it just points and your goal is to obtain more points? The most points wins? Wins what? What exactly is the competition here?
A famous person, so famous I forgot who, once said, “our family has always been rich, and sometimes we have had money.” Wealth need not define a family one way or the other. It is just money. It buys stuff. That’s it. It isn’t even real. Have you ever actually touched your wealth, excluding your home? Of course not. It is all digital. It doesn’t even exist in the physical world.
Wealth is so mundane it should be a shared, especially with family. If it is not feasible to share the dollars and cents, at least enlighten your future family leaders about its existence.
